Tags: moody guntars
- keep em coming :D
-
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
verybadfiction- December 16th, 20:18
bouncy
- christmas eye candy: david guillo
-
- verybadfiction
- December 7th, 12:52
ladies and gentlemen, the ne plus ultra of killer smiles:
- Joined the Worship **** As God Club**
-
- verybadfiction
- November 6th, 16:01
nostalgic
The email verbat:
Hello,
Thank you for writing e*ay Customer Support. I will be happy to assist you with your question.
Your computer was stuck by lightning? This is a tragedy all men and women can relate to. Let me be the first to say, I am grateful that the lightning which partially disabled your ability to click links on the internet, failed to kill you. If a family member or loved one was killed by the lightning, I am very sorry for your loss and I hope my skills as a customer service representative help you forget them and move on.
I learned from a 15 minute educational video, that lightning will only move through objects which are 'conductors'. Don't be fooled - by this I do not mean the coordinators of orchestras. Some common conductors are Soft metals, such as copper, gold, and led. Since The majority of a computer is made of mettle, I find it EXTREMELY Shocking (no pun intended) that computers are not struck by lightning more often! I myself am currently working to safeguard myself from lightning strikes - and I will explain how you can do the same!
Because lightning does not flow through 'insulators' I have decided to cover the base of my cubicle in 3 inch thick foam rubber. This substance is expensive, ugly, and heavy - but I suspect it will save my life very shortly. My coworkers may snicker at how absurd I look now, but they wont be laughing when they are dead and their internet links no longer work all the time.
Since the computer is obviously such a magnet for lighting bolts, I have decided to totally insolate myself from the interface with it. To do this I have elected to wear yellow rubber dish gloves, rubber rain boots, and a plastic raincoat. I must say it wasn't necessary to buy these items in matching colors and have the e*ay logo stitched in to them, but I am confident it was worth the $350.00 investment.
I hope that my instructions have helped to resolve your fears about future lightning strikes, and the next time a storm rolls around you will be pointing and laughing at the fools who were stupid enough not to wear the safety gear I have outlined.
I am so glad you survived the first accident, and I hope you continue to use e*ay for a better tomorrow. If you need further assistance, please don't hesitate to reply to this email and let us know.
Regards,
****Name Withheld Because I Do Not Have Permission to Use Above Material But Name Of Course Can Be Easily Facebooked or Googled.
**Stop gap jobs can kill your sense of humor really, CSR jobs in e*ay in particular, but as I've recently decided to just John Callahan Everything, I'm thinking why the F did I never think of doing this^???
- what is happening to the world?
-
- verybadfiction
- November 5th, 22:20
livin on a prayer, baby
that's it. i'm not gonna take it sitting down any more*
Get this. I took a free 485-question online personality and career test (which took me about a week to finish because only desperate unemployed losers with no direction in life whatsoever will sit in front of a computer screen for 6 hours straight and take never ending career tests instead of sending out resumes to possible employers) and here are my results in a nutshell:
Your Greatest Personality Trait:
Introspection
So far, so good... I clicked on "Get detailed test results", got caked in the face with "Which do you like better, Pepsi or Coke?" and "Free PS3!!! Sign up to get your free gift!" and "Smiley Central: get free smileys" among ten other super annoying ads which reminds you that Nothing is free in this world after all, then I clicked on the SKIP button at least ten times to get to this gem:
We have compiled based on your personality profile the top 3 jobs most suited to you:
1. PERSONAL CARE AND SERVICE OCCUPATIONS
These occupations typically require an 8th grade to college education. Primary job stresses include working with sometimes unpleasant clients, having to work on your feet for many hours, and working in sometimes smoky environments. Primary job satisfactions include briefly meeting and serving many different people or animals and receiving their brief praise and thanks.
2. Veterinarian Technologist or Technician or Assistant
Assist veterinarians in performing care to animals, etc.
3. Medical scientist or epidemiologist
Study and solve fundamental systemic problems of health and disease in humans. Develop new public education, prevention and treatment techniques.
WTF is the first sane thought that brained me, and after a bit of fast-o research and a double-triple-take I therefore concluded:
1. PERSONAL CARE AND SERVICE OCCUPATIONS = Customer Service Representative
Drum roll please. That mickey mouse job I just left which I took as a Last Resort turns out to be the PERFECT job for me. I only like 10% of the human race for god's sake! And yeah, that's right, 8th grade. I could have kiboshed formal education at 14 and still earned 19 grand/mo, tax deducted.
2. Veterinarian Technologist or Technician or Assistant (a.k.a. person who hands cow doctor scalpel etc. when operating on said cow)
Let me tell you about our family pit bull which I call Afterthought (that's what we should have named him). All you need to know is that pooch may not be in the afterlife just yet, but pooch is almost there. In addition to my qualifications as animal handler, I can't afford kibble, regular vaccinations or even flea/tick shampoo. But wait... brief praise and thanks from animals in smoky environments? Definitely a Perk.
3. Medical scientist or epidemiologist (i'm guessing euphemism for NURSE, in which case this test has an atrocious sense of humor)
As I keep mentioning in this blog, I could care less if the Day of Reckoning was tomorrow and the entire human race was wiped out, by Pestilence or whichever Horseman of the Apocalypse. Yes, Medecins Sans Frontieres would make a fantastic bumper sticker, but I stick to my guns.
*Thank goodness I take free online personality and career tests only at 75% face value. I also have a choice to not go through all this hell and just Settle but you know, I'm a sadist.
- something to look forward to
-
- verybadfiction
- October 26th, 0:16
An Education
Carey Mulligan played that blonde viper Isabella Thorpe in Northanger Abbey 2007. Cute :)
- with worms that are thy chambermaids - waterhouse wonders
-
- verybadfiction
- September 28th, 5:45
enthralled
that's the only fitting grotesque and beautiful phrase that springs to mind just now..
at worst these are maudlin, gay, populated with long-chinned women, and too gothic, but look look LOOK at the colors and the fabrics and the sublime grace.... if i were to believe in a heaven (which i don't) it would look like this:
- show of hands
-
- verybadfiction
- September 28th, 0:15
i missed you too, my invisible friends. well, expect more of me as I have PLENTY of time to waste right now. moving on.. guess who these little critters grew up to be:
1) The inspiration for 2) Did he start early. Simply 3) Robert di Niro's stand-in
Dobby the house elf. bursting with pride in his stuffed shirt. in Taxi Driver.
4) Such a shame, he was a pretty cute kid. Starting to show his true colors ei?
( Answers here )
